Dubai visas are insane

Subtitled: How obtaining a dual-entry Dubai Visa for a Canadian citizen can promote premature aging, food molding, no cell phone service and take years off your life (In all honesty, I have no idea if it can mold food or mess with your cell signal, but it was a horrible enough process that I wouldn’t be surprised if it does).

So, a little background: last year the United Arab Emirates and Canada got into a little bit of a squabble because the UAE wanted permission to land more flights in Canada per week.  Canada, wanting to keep the business with Air Canada, turned them down.  So the UAE fired back with the ever-popular “Oh yeah?  Well, your Momma wears combat boots!”   And when that didn’t solve anything they added “and now your people need visas to enter our country as of Jan 1, 2011!  Take that, Syrupsuckers! ” *

The big catch is that they seemed to forget to set up the process to which one obtains said visa.  Cue December, 2010, and nobody has any idea yet what the hell’s going on and mass panic is ensuing.  Canadians with pre-booked pre-paid non-refundable vacations are wetting themselves wondering if they’re even going to be able to enter the UAE at all.  Dollar signs are flashing before their eyes,  and agents are breathing into paper bags.  With just days to spare we finally get word that you have to obtain the visa in advance, cannot get one on arrival, and have to get one issued through a company registered in the UAE, such as your hotel or tour operator.  Seems simple enough, right?

The problem with this is that there are a whole lot of loopholes.  And no infrastructure set up to deal with these loopholes.

This is where I enter the picture.  My case was this:  the clients booked a cruise starting in Dubai, leaving the UAE and stopping in Oman, then returning to Dubai and spending an additional week there before flying on.  Knowing we would have to arrange the visa with the hotel we pre-booked and paid in full for our post-cruise accommodations and then began the lengthy “email the hotel in Dubai” process.

Now let me just say as agents we don’t normally deal with visas.   We normally just hand you the number of the consulate or a visa service and wipe our hands of it (with a smile, of course), but in this case, since we had to get in touch with the hotel directly, I wanted to help my clients out and emailed them myself.  I’m an idiot.

It only took about a week of emails – since Dubai is 12 hours ahead of us and nobody works on Fridays and Saturdays, everything takes a long time – to learn that my passengers would need two visas, one for their original entry and one for their return after Oman.  Obtaining one visa is a pretty simple process, you just fill out a form, send copies of your passport, credit card, photos, your first born, etc. and they email you back a visa.  Simple.  This I could have done immediately without problem.  The BIG GIANT CATCH that cost me sleep, some of my natural hair colour and a layer of nail polish from all the frantic emails I typed is that you can only get the second visa after showing the exit stamp from the first one.  You cannot hold two active UAE visas at the same time.  This meant my clients would need to somehow send their cancelled visa to the hotel (from the ship?) and get the second one in 5-7 business days, which they didn’t have, since they were only leaving the UAE for 3 days.  Was this even possible?

The UAE consulate never responded to any of my 47 emails, an equal number of voicemails, and the two times I did manage to get a person they hung up on me.  I’m still waiting to hear back.  The cruise line just gives you a random email and tells you they won’t help you.  Over the next two months I emailed countless companies and sent so many messages to the hotel in Dubai they finally got fed up and stopped returning my emails. I found two companies that could issue the two visas, but only if you booked all your hotels and transfers with them, which would cost my clients a fortune, as they’d already paid for all that.  Every time I got any sort of answer, the next message/call would disprove it.  There was no consistancy, and the visa info on the internet (yes, I resulted in Googling) actually warns you that the visa information provided even by reputable companies is notoriously unreliable.  Fan-frealing-tastic.

My clients were incredibly calm duing all of this, and continue to be a dream to work with.  I personally hit the full-on panic point a good two weeks before they did.   I was just watching the clock tick down, and looking at this very expensive booking and thinking “what if they don’t get a visa in time?”  Insurance doesn’t cover not traveling due to lack of visa – that’s your fault and the insurance comapnies aren’t paying anything to cover your ass.  Not that I blame them there.  But every possible worst case scenario was flashing before my eyes.

We were down to the wire.  It was literally the last possible Thursday and if my clients didn’t submit the paperwork for the Visa by Tuesday we were royally screwed. That was it.  No more second chances.  About now I’m mainlining antacids and checking my email every ten seconds.  And then it popped up, as if sent from an angel: a company affiliated with the cruise line (whom I’d already emailed twice to no avail and had only tried again as a Hail Mary pass) said they normally require you to book land accommodation with them, but would gladly help me out if I had been unable to obtain the Visa any other way.  Hot damn.  There was a God.  Or Allah.  Or anything.  I instantly emailed back, asking for the paperwork to fill out, then nervously waited for a response while they were closed for the weekend, and on Sunday submitted all the forms.  I had expected to get a response the next day saying there was something wrong – that had happened on every other email I’d sent during this process, why would this be any different?  Tuesday rolls around and I’m just becoming convinced there’s something wrong when BAM!  In my inbox miraculously appears four perfect Dubai Visas, each numbered in order they were to be used, and a sheet of instructions on how to get a cruise Visa.  Life was good again.  Bunnies and rainbows appeared everywhere.

Here’s the thing: if someone had sent me that sheet of instructions two months ago, none of the panic would have happened.  I’m not insane to assume the company that issued the Visas, as well as the Canadian Consulate in Dubai, the UAE Embassy in Ottawa and the cruise line would have had this form.  Thousands of Canadians cruise in and out of Dubai every year.   I was one step away from petitioning the Canadian government to just let more Emirates flights land at Pearson, all the while thinking I was going to be fired when the clients sued my company for the CAD$20 000.00 they had lost.  Come on UAE, get your act together.  If you don’t simplify this process, you’re going to loose much needed tourist dollars, and only be able to build skyscrapers that rank as the Fourth tallest in the world. And you might have to downsize man made island chain shaped like all the continents of the world so it just resembles Panagea.  The horror.

My story had a happy ending.  Yay. But just consider this a heads up if you’re planning on cruising in and out of Dubai.  Start the visa process as early as possible, book your hotel accommodations with a Dubai-based tour operator who can issue your Visa for you, and if all else fails, ask me for the instructions and I’ll send them your way.  You can bet they’re always going to be close at hand for me from here on out.  If that doesn’t work, I recommend Prozac.  And please stay away from sharp objects for the first little while.

*I’m paraphrasing.  It was probobly written in much more formal language.

Tags: agent, cruise, Dubai, panic, Prozac, stamp, stress, trouble, UAE, Visa

Paris – They put their money in the left bank.

             Last year a friend and I were able to experience Paris when it sizzles as part of a Globus week in London and Paris package.  Our hotel was on the left bank of the Seine, steps from the spectacular Eiffel Tower and numerous metro lines.

               While our leader (who delighted in pointing out pickpockets and the exact spot where Princess Diana died) warned that the Metro was a confusing, potentially dangerous way to travel, we found it cheap, fast and easy, as well as being a great source of entertainment.  Buskers perform right on the trains, playing guitars or wheeling around Karaoke machines, complete with large amplifiers and microphones.

              Within hours of arriving in Paris we had ascended the Arc de Triomphe (shorter than expected, but halfway up the stairs you begin to think it’s huge), strolled the  Champs Elysses and people watched at a charming little sidewalk bistro. 

               A half day bus tour was included in the package the next morning and it was great, complete with a guided tour through the dirt-stained glory of Notre Dame, and a ride up to the first floor of the Eiffel Tower.

                 The tour dropped us off at a perfumerie near the Opera House (of Phantom of the Opera fame) for an optional shopping trip, but we chose to break away from the pack and take the RER rapid train to Disneyland Paris so we could compare it with the one in California.  When the tour leader found out where we were going, he actually turned up his nose at us and refused to speak with either of us for the remainder of the trip.

             Paris was in the middle of an unseasonable October heat wave and I was thankful for the pair of shorts I had packed at the last minute.  It felt, though, as if I was the only person in the country wearing them, as I got lots of stares and a street vendor followed me down the Rue de Rivoli making unsettling kissing sounds.  The Louvre heated up quickly, it’s only source of air-conditioning being large grates in the floor, and groups of tourists battled to stand on top to escape the oppressive heat.

               Our finale in Paris was enjoying a lunch of baguettes and cheese on the banks of the Seine, followed by a nighttime boat tour of the City of Lights.  The Eiffel Tower literally sparkled, a surreal sight that just makes you smile and realize “this is Paris.”

              A city of history leaning up against a modern world, I still see that glittering tower when I close my eyes – awesome enough to make dealing with the snooty tour leader worth it.

Originally published in the Vancouver Province

Tags: BlogSherpa, cruise, Disneyland, Eiffel Tower, Europe, hot, Louvre, Paris, public transportation, published, Tour

Hawaii – Lush Lahaina, leis and luaus

          For a first-time cruiser a 16-day Hawaiian cruise is like reading a whole book on cruising but getting only the Cole’s Notes version of the islands themselves.

          Cruising being only for the “newlywed and nearly dead” is a misconception for the most part but, with my sailing being during the school year, the first few days were spent assuring the other passenger that, at 21, I was not part of the entertainment staff.  And I was not going to break into song and dance to prove it, either.  On the upside, I stood out enough that the crew knew me by name and everywhere I went I was greeted with a smile.

           The sailing was an adventure itself, as the late November seas were hell bent on making the crossing from San Diego and back memorable.  You learn pretty quickly that the arms are on the treadmills for a reason and the cabin stewards are used to having to steam clean wallpaper in the middle of the night.  On the way back we were actually stopped in the middle of the Pacific for an emergency medical supply drop by the coast guard, as a sea sick man had ruptured something important and was loosing too much blood, but we were too far out for a helicopter to come and pick him up.

                 Filling the time was a never ending stream of games with a regular group of colourful characters, ranging from a woman who constantly squeaked with excitement to a couple who’s comments reaffirmed the notion that it’s the ones who look innocent who have the dirtiest minds. 

              And then there was trivia, the place to see and be seen on the Statendam, where “playing for fun” was the cover story for die-hard competition.  People would practically tackle one another for a Dam Mug or the coveted Dam Dark penlight (on Holland America, everything becomes Dam something, as the ships all end in -dam).

             Hawaii was as fantastic as the postcards, humid and friendly, with a constant rainbow overhead.  They can also claim Spam McGriddles and endless Magnum PI shirts.

                We hit Hilo on American Thanksgiving, so the entire island was shut down, but the next day in Honolulu was the American equivalent of Boxing Day and I got all my Christmas shopping done cheap at Ala Moana centre. Kauai, the wild chicken capitol of Hawaii, was our shortest stop to allow for a scenic cruise of the Napili coast, and Lahaina on Maui looked so much like Pirates of the Caribbeanthat you expected Johnny Depp to round the corner at any second.  Finally there was Kona, home of the hourly volcano-eruption reports.

              Hawaii’s old-world-meets-tourist-kitsch charm was fabulous and we sent just enough time there to wet my appetite.  My lei, once thrown into the ship’s pool, floated to the edge, so the Director said that meant I would return to the islands some day.  Maybe by then I will be part of the entertainment.

Originally published in the Vancouver Province Newspaper

Tags: BlogSherpa, cruise, Hawaii, published, shopping

Singapore – the perfect cruise stop

          There are some places – cities, countries, whatever – that are built for exploring, worlds of such endless possibility that just walking down the street continuously uncovers hidden treasures.  I can aimlessly wander London for the umpteenth time, still finding new monuments to Great Lord Snuggly Pants for the Battle of the Hundred-foot long Slip and Slide, eight-foot wide houses (this one’s real, in South Kensington) and new newsagents to buy my wine gums at.

                Singapore is not one of these places.  Thus, I christen it the perfect cruise stop: where you arrive in the morning, have your eight hours to see what was number 1 on your to-do list, and sail off into the sunset the same evening.

             This is mainly due to Singapore’s sheer geographical (lack of) size.  Any country who, top to bottom, is fewer kilometers than my daily commute only has so much room to pack things in.  Don’t get me wrong, what they do have is great.   The Singapore Flyer ferris (oops, sorry, I mean observation) wheel offers some spectacular views and an interesting narrative overview.  For you bird lovers, the Jurong Bird Park has a fascinating menagerie, as well as the world’s largest indoor waterfall.  The Singapore Zoo and Night Safari are world-class.  Chinatown’s night market is a ton of fun.  The National Orchid Garden will blow your mind.  And the Asian Civilizations Museum is very comprehensive and really well presented.  All very highly recommended.

             It’s the in-between-sights part that lets Singapore down.  With most signage in four languages (English, Chinese, Hindi and Malay), and nothing distinctly “Singaporean” setting them apart, it feels like Asia’s bus stop.  All these different cultures got on, but none bothered to get off again.  I got the feeling that I could have been anywhere.

             Oh, and it’s expensive.  Freaking expensive.  Land at a premium combined with the fact that they have no natural resources (even their water is imported) means your standard McDonald’s meal (yes, I’m reverting to the Big Mac scale, here) can cost you SGD$12 or your regualr CD $25.  And don’t even get me started on hotel prices.  This is the only place in the world I didn’t want to shop – anywhere.  I’m a 26-year-old woman.  Think about it.  That’s huge.

            All told, Singapore is a great place to visit.  I enjoyed it immensely.  Clean, polished and Utopian perfect on the outside.  Your few hours there will be jam-packed with one of a kind sights before you get back on your boat. I just wish it had more of a personality of it’s own to share.

Tags: BlogSherpa, cruise, Jurong Bird Park, languages, money, museum, National Orchid Gardens, Singapore, Singapore Flyer, small, zoo

Babies are not luggage.

          Cruises are awesome.  You get on and unpack once, they give you craploads of free food, nightly entertainment, children’s programs, and you can wake up stress-free every morning with a new city to explore.  But yes, it’s true, every person in your cabin has to pay the same price, regardless of whether it’s a 400-lb man who eats his body weight in lobster every night or an infant who gurgles, coos, and rapidly expels whatever food it does consume.  I know it sucks. But doing this (and charging an insanely high price for a Coke) has kept cruise lines afloat for decades and will continue to do so.  There’s no way around this.

              Babies cannot be classified as luggage.  Stop laughing, I have been asked this more than once by very serious, loving parents.  Yep, they’re small, can weigh slightly less than your standard suitcase and have to be carried everywhere, but that doesn’t mean they let you stuff them in overhead compartments on airplanes, either (that would probobly violate the liquids in the carry on rule, as people are what, 80% water?).  Trust me.  I have actually called cruise lines to ask this.  And, judging by the bored-sounding “no” I keep getting, I am clearly not the first person to inquire.  I’m sure there’s some safety rule about having to know the correct number of bodies onboard at all times, and this rule doesn’t apply to suitcases.

             But really, would you rather pay for your baby to travel with you, or watch as they get a barcoded sticker wrapped around their handle and are thrown on to the luggage truck?

Tags: babies, cruise, luggage

Hola from Barcelona!

Wow, it’s hard not to make the title sound like a ‘wish you were here’ postcard  

So, it’s day three here in Spain (or four, it’s all running together), and this is the best work week I think I’ve ever had.   Landed at 7am on Saturday and got to our hotel to find it wasn’t ready, so we all ditched our stuff and, because this was really our only free time in Barcelona, (screw the jet lag!) hopped on the hop on hop off bus touristic for an overview of the city.  Saw all the main sights, Montjuic, the Port Olympic, Colom, Barri Gotic, etc, but honestly it will be easier to remember once I’ve had the pics developed because i’d been up for more than 24 hours at that point.  The goal was to stay awake to get onto local time and, with the help of caffine and lots of aimless walks down the Ramblas, I made it until 11pm before I crashed. 

So far I’m really loving this city.  Staying at the beautiful Catalonia Duques du Bergara hotel beside the Placa Catalonya, it’s a perfect location with great ambiance and an incredible amount of marble.  Barcelona is a city for wandering, and eventhough I’m a total Spanish newbie, I feel totally comfortable here.   The first vibe you get from a city makes a huge impact, and this one is great. 

Yesterday we started the working part, touring the Norwegian Gem and Royal Caribbean Voyager of the Seas cruise ships.  Really impressed with the Voyager, if I sailed that’s the one personally I would choose.  Loved the central shopping promenade, it looked just like a mall.  The Gem was good, but most people found the gaudy coulour scheme jarring.  I loved it, but then again I am twenty years younger than most of my co workers and I my tastes are a bit out there on a normal day!

Got finished with work about dinner time and wandered back up Las Ramblas,  finding the coolest bar on the planet along the way, right by the wax museum.  I think it was called el bosc de les fades, or the magical forest, but I’ll double check my Spanish later.  It was filled with trees, even coming out from the table centers, the bar was all carved out of fake rock and there was a blue grotto waterfall/fountain in one area.  I have never been in a more family-friendly bar in my life.  It was so funny watching everyone’s faces as they walked in,  looked around in wonder and then started taking pictures.

The metro here, and in any city, is a thing of beauty and for 1.35 Euro we were at the incredible La Sagrada Famillia cathedral in less than ten minutes.  Grabbed a nice German tapas (meatballs, beer rings, wurst and pizza, I don’t get it either, but it was good) dinner on the Place du Gaudi, seated at one of the sidewalk people-watching tables.  It was a great location for under $12 a person, drinks included.  Saw the lights of the cathedral go on at 10pm, and it was cooler than I could have imagined.  I mean, really, what was that guy on when he designed it?  There amongst the prerequisite saints and  angels there are carved frogs and a christmas tree covered in doves and a pile of oranges.  WTF ?  But most importantly, now I feel I’m truly in Barcelona, now that I have seen the one place more than any other that differentiates this city from any other.

Loving this city so far.  I’m not actually going to see any of it today as I have 12 hotels to tour (oh my god! This one has a sink too!), but a job is a job.  I wanted to get a bit of an overview posted, but hopefully I’ll get to blog tonight about all the cool little things that have happened, like the naked bike people with the pool noodles….

Tags: Barcelona, BlogSherpa, cathedral, city tour, cruise, hop on hop off bus, hotels, public transportation

WTF?!! Weird questions I’ve been asked at work

             Today a friend of mine asked me what the strangest thing I’ve ever been asked at work, and that got me thinking.  The first thing that came to mind was the trio of early-twenties guys who wanted me to request that the cruise line seat them at the same dinner table as “young hot girls, not old people” (not guaranteed, but the reservations agent at Royal Caribbean was laughing her ass off).  Or the guy who wanted me to fake a reciept so that his wife wouldn’t accidentally see he was taking his mistress with him to Disneyland (of all places.  Really?  Nothing turns people on like a giant mouse, apparently).  Didn’t do that one.  Minor legal reasons.

               Then it came to me:  To find a non-smoking city in Europe.

              Yep, I said city.  As in whole freakin’ place.  That’s like finding a cow with air brakes, it just ain’t gonna happen.  This is Europe, people.  Everyone smokes.   Infants come out of the womb with a filter tip and a Bic.  A client of mine even picked where to eat dinner by how much smoke was spilling out the door, because if there was lots, it was a popular place and the food had to be good! 

               Once I got past the “wow, did that make sense in your head before you said it out loud?” factor,  I found a non-smoking hotel and an Irish town (you’d think after all that I’d remember what it was called, but I don’t) that banned indoor smoking.  Afterwards the clients had no complaints, but it’s been years and I’m still shaking my head at that one.

             Ah, well, it could have been worse, like the time I lost a client…

Tags: BlogSherpa, cruise, travel agent, weird