Dubai visas are insane

Subtitled: How obtaining a dual-entry Dubai Visa for a Canadian citizen can promote premature aging, food molding, no cell phone service and take years off your life (In all honesty, I have no idea if it can mold food or mess with your cell signal, but it was a horrible enough process that I wouldn’t be surprised if it does).

So, a little background: last year the United Arab Emirates and Canada got into a little bit of a squabble because the UAE wanted permission to land more flights in Canada per week.  Canada, wanting to keep the business with Air Canada, turned them down.  So the UAE fired back with the ever-popular “Oh yeah?  Well, your Momma wears combat boots!”   And when that didn’t solve anything they added “and now your people need visas to enter our country as of Jan 1, 2011!  Take that, Syrupsuckers! ” *

The big catch is that they seemed to forget to set up the process to which one obtains said visa.  Cue December, 2010, and nobody has any idea yet what the hell’s going on and mass panic is ensuing.  Canadians with pre-booked pre-paid non-refundable vacations are wetting themselves wondering if they’re even going to be able to enter the UAE at all.  Dollar signs are flashing before their eyes,  and agents are breathing into paper bags.  With just days to spare we finally get word that you have to obtain the visa in advance, cannot get one on arrival, and have to get one issued through a company registered in the UAE, such as your hotel or tour operator.  Seems simple enough, right?

The problem with this is that there are a whole lot of loopholes.  And no infrastructure set up to deal with these loopholes.

This is where I enter the picture.  My case was this:  the clients booked a cruise starting in Dubai, leaving the UAE and stopping in Oman, then returning to Dubai and spending an additional week there before flying on.  Knowing we would have to arrange the visa with the hotel we pre-booked and paid in full for our post-cruise accommodations and then began the lengthy “email the hotel in Dubai” process.

Now let me just say as agents we don’t normally deal with visas.   We normally just hand you the number of the consulate or a visa service and wipe our hands of it (with a smile, of course), but in this case, since we had to get in touch with the hotel directly, I wanted to help my clients out and emailed them myself.  I’m an idiot.

It only took about a week of emails – since Dubai is 12 hours ahead of us and nobody works on Fridays and Saturdays, everything takes a long time – to learn that my passengers would need two visas, one for their original entry and one for their return after Oman.  Obtaining one visa is a pretty simple process, you just fill out a form, send copies of your passport, credit card, photos, your first born, etc. and they email you back a visa.  Simple.  This I could have done immediately without problem.  The BIG GIANT CATCH that cost me sleep, some of my natural hair colour and a layer of nail polish from all the frantic emails I typed is that you can only get the second visa after showing the exit stamp from the first one.  You cannot hold two active UAE visas at the same time.  This meant my clients would need to somehow send their cancelled visa to the hotel (from the ship?) and get the second one in 5-7 business days, which they didn’t have, since they were only leaving the UAE for 3 days.  Was this even possible?

The UAE consulate never responded to any of my 47 emails, an equal number of voicemails, and the two times I did manage to get a person they hung up on me.  I’m still waiting to hear back.  The cruise line just gives you a random email and tells you they won’t help you.  Over the next two months I emailed countless companies and sent so many messages to the hotel in Dubai they finally got fed up and stopped returning my emails. I found two companies that could issue the two visas, but only if you booked all your hotels and transfers with them, which would cost my clients a fortune, as they’d already paid for all that.  Every time I got any sort of answer, the next message/call would disprove it.  There was no consistancy, and the visa info on the internet (yes, I resulted in Googling) actually warns you that the visa information provided even by reputable companies is notoriously unreliable.  Fan-frealing-tastic.

My clients were incredibly calm duing all of this, and continue to be a dream to work with.  I personally hit the full-on panic point a good two weeks before they did.   I was just watching the clock tick down, and looking at this very expensive booking and thinking “what if they don’t get a visa in time?”  Insurance doesn’t cover not traveling due to lack of visa – that’s your fault and the insurance comapnies aren’t paying anything to cover your ass.  Not that I blame them there.  But every possible worst case scenario was flashing before my eyes.

We were down to the wire.  It was literally the last possible Thursday and if my clients didn’t submit the paperwork for the Visa by Tuesday we were royally screwed. That was it.  No more second chances.  About now I’m mainlining antacids and checking my email every ten seconds.  And then it popped up, as if sent from an angel: a company affiliated with the cruise line (whom I’d already emailed twice to no avail and had only tried again as a Hail Mary pass) said they normally require you to book land accommodation with them, but would gladly help me out if I had been unable to obtain the Visa any other way.  Hot damn.  There was a God.  Or Allah.  Or anything.  I instantly emailed back, asking for the paperwork to fill out, then nervously waited for a response while they were closed for the weekend, and on Sunday submitted all the forms.  I had expected to get a response the next day saying there was something wrong – that had happened on every other email I’d sent during this process, why would this be any different?  Tuesday rolls around and I’m just becoming convinced there’s something wrong when BAM!  In my inbox miraculously appears four perfect Dubai Visas, each numbered in order they were to be used, and a sheet of instructions on how to get a cruise Visa.  Life was good again.  Bunnies and rainbows appeared everywhere.

Here’s the thing: if someone had sent me that sheet of instructions two months ago, none of the panic would have happened.  I’m not insane to assume the company that issued the Visas, as well as the Canadian Consulate in Dubai, the UAE Embassy in Ottawa and the cruise line would have had this form.  Thousands of Canadians cruise in and out of Dubai every year.   I was one step away from petitioning the Canadian government to just let more Emirates flights land at Pearson, all the while thinking I was going to be fired when the clients sued my company for the CAD$20 000.00 they had lost.  Come on UAE, get your act together.  If you don’t simplify this process, you’re going to loose much needed tourist dollars, and only be able to build skyscrapers that rank as the Fourth tallest in the world. And you might have to downsize man made island chain shaped like all the continents of the world so it just resembles Panagea.  The horror.

My story had a happy ending.  Yay. But just consider this a heads up if you’re planning on cruising in and out of Dubai.  Start the visa process as early as possible, book your hotel accommodations with a Dubai-based tour operator who can issue your Visa for you, and if all else fails, ask me for the instructions and I’ll send them your way.  You can bet they’re always going to be close at hand for me from here on out.  If that doesn’t work, I recommend Prozac.  And please stay away from sharp objects for the first little while.

*I’m paraphrasing.  It was probobly written in much more formal language.

Tags: agent, cruise, Dubai, panic, Prozac, stamp, stress, trouble, UAE, Visa

Home is where the holiday is

‘Tis the season for millions of people to migrate back to their Motherland and spend the holidays with their families.  Consequently, it’s also the time of year all travel providers (airlines, hotel chains, etc) jack up the prices because they know whatever the cost, you’ll pony up, because being with your family is that important.  Hell, even seven elevens increase their prices, so you’re paying more for that road trip essential Slim Jim.  But with the economy being what it is, this year I’ve had a lot of clients forced to walk away from their standard plans, as the cost is just too high.  The majority still traveled, but it got me thinking about the significance of spending the holidays at your home, away from the usual folks. 

Yes, this is sad.  It hurts.  And there’s probably a good amount of guilt rolled up with it.  But at the same time, this is a chance for a fresh start.  A chance to spend time with your new “family”, biological or not, to gather together with the ones you love and see often and appreciate one another all the more.  And a chance to create new traditions of your own. 

We all have one – that family tradition you’ve been begging to get out of since you were old enough to formulate sentences.  It may be Aunt Suze’s caroling around the neighbourhood, regardless of the weather or her singing ability.  Or it could be watching A Christmas Carol, the old creepy one, for the millionth time.  I mean, I am all about the holidays, but that is one seriously depressing movie.  This year, you’re off duty.  You don’t have to do any of that crap, and you don’t even have to pretend you did. 

Ah, the Christmas dinner.  That gold mine of traditions and “oh my God, what is that and why is it mushy”-ness.  Being away gives you the freedom to decide what you want to consume.  If you’re invited to a loved ones’ family fete, you can always create a phantom “allergy” to anything you don’t want to eat, they don’t know your medical history, and as long as you’re friendly and festive, your lack of eating anything that wasn’t turkey or off the dessert table will be completely overlooked.  Or, if you’re cooking yourself, it’s even better.  Always wanted that Holiday lasagna?  What’s stopping you?  For less than 4 people, turkey is way more effort than it’s worth, and what could be more festive than a red-sauced lasagna with white noodles and a green side salad?  If it makes you feel better, refer to the cheese sprinkled on top as “magic snow”, then sit back and enjoy. 

But the point is that no matter where you are or who you’re with, the holidays can be special, and if circumstances prevented you from reenacting the identical holiday for the 30th year, that doesn’t mean all is lost.  It means you just have to redefine your definition of merriment and joy.  Have fun!  Have the happiest of holidays! 

Just don’t forget to call your Mom.

Tags: Christmas., family, friends, fun, holidays, love, travel

WTF? – Openly illegal

              If you’re committing fraud, don’t walk up to a travel agent and ask them to assist you.  Got it?  Unless there’s some cheezy hollywood plot where you’re blackmailing the agent into assisting you (and oh my God, if there is, you have some serious issues), we’re not going to help you.  Nobody wants to go to jail for a complete stranger just to make a CAD$50.00 service fee.

          Let me explain.  A week ago a man walks into our office and wants to buy all sorts of prepaid visa cards and air tickets in his various aliases.  The big catch was that he was so casual about it – “hey, I don’t want anyone to be able to track me so I’m living under an assumed name.  Can I book an air ticket?” 

No.

Hell no.

What were you thinking you dork?

       Luckily he never gave his name (any of them) and didn’t waste too much of our time (when we said “that’s not legal” he said “oh really?”  we said “yep” and he left), but it just left us scratching our heads.  Who is paranoid/wanted by the law/about to be whacked by the mafia enough to live under an assumed name, but then walks into offices and blatantly tells strangers his situation?  Was this for real?  Were we being punk’d? For his sake I hope Random guy survives, but walking around talking like that is not helping his cause.  All I can hope for is that he was mentally disturbed or something and that it was not his real situation.

          As travel agents, we are ethically bound not to discuss any of your travel plans with anyone unless you authourize us to.  Luckily, if you’ve got a lengthy criminal record, are carrying around thirty kilos of coke or laundering money, the chances are pretty good that we won’t be able to book you in the first place, as the government screening that every traveler goes through will catch you first.  Now the US has instituted a new Secure Flight program that requires anyone flying over US airspace (you don’t even need to touch the country) to submit their full passport names, gender and birthdate more than 72 hours prior to departure.  This of course opens up your personal information to more intense scrutiny. So basically, unless you’re really, really good, you’re going to get screwed.

          But geez, this guy was stupid.  Or nuts.  Or both. 

        Oh well.  Makes an entertaining topic around the water cooler!

Tags: illegal, Secure Flight, travel, US

California Girl for a week! Part 2: The sequel

…Putting the convertible to good use, the next day we drove an hour and a half up to LA for Universal Studios.  It started off cloudy and nasty today, too, but cleared up so we could groove with the top down on the way home.  I personally feel Universal Studios is the most overrated of the major southern California attractions, as it’s really expensive (both parking and admission) and there really isn’t all that much there.  If my friend wasn’t a movie buff I probably would have skipped it altogether.  The reason to go essentially is the Studio Tram tour, which is always enjoyable and different, as you see the ins and outs of an actual working film studio.  It’s also a major chunk of your day, as when you combine the nearly hour long tour with the line for it, it’s a two-hour experience. The last time I was here I had been on a business trip, so it’s a very different experience to wander around with a bunch of know-it-all travel agents (me included) who ask a lot of obnoxious questions so we can properly sell the park to our clients, as it is to explore in a purely tourist capacity.  This was more fun, but that way they threw in some of the perks, like the VIP tour, for free, so it really came out as a tie.

Late afternoon we’d seen all they had to offer and spent some enjoyable time shopping at the Universal Citywalk right outside the gates.  I’m a big fan of Citywalk, the mix of stores is good, not too expensive, very kitchy and touristy (love my touristy crap!) and a good selection of places to eat, from Bubba Gump Shrimp Co to Taco Bell.  The Sugar candy store even had a ten-pound gummy bear that had me wondering how I was going to get it through customs.  I didn’t.

The following day finally brought the sunshine back with a vengenance, as this was the start of LA’s recent heat wave.  It had to be 40 degrees, but it felt soooo gooood on my shoulders!  We braved traffic back into downtown LA(top down this time) to do some shopping at the trendy Grove shopping mall and the quaint LA Farmer’s Market, which just so happen to be connected to one another.  You know a mall is uber trendy when they offer valet service and have bathroom attendants in the parking garage.  Not kidding.  Never know if I have to tip those people who stand silently in the corner listening to people pee all day…  The shopping there was pretty weak, but that was mainly because neither of us was in need of a $200.00 pair of jeans and the like, but the decor was nice.  Dancing fountains and a central piazza that looked straight out of Italy until you turned around and found yourself facing a 20-screen multiplex movie theatre.

The Farmer’s Market was tiny!  And I mean tiny.  Like thirty different food stalls, two grocery stalls, and ten stores selling crap even too tacky for me, and that was it.  It was more like the LA International food court instead of a Farmer’s Market.  But there were three places that sold handmade ice cream that was really good (according to me and all the signed headshots of celebrities on the walls), and at the Sur La Table kitchen store I did buy this adonrable pan to make handmade mini doughnuts I’m dying to try out, so it wasn’t all a waste.

The real reason we were in LA today was because we had tickets to a taping of the Craig Ferguson Show at CBS Studios.  The studios are actually right beside the Farmer’s Market, too, which is actually how we stumbled upon the market in the first place.  In an incredible twist of fate, our plans for the day had been to scope out CBS Studios, then go to the Farmer’s Market, and then make it back to CBS in time for our afternoon taping.  It was only when we got to CBS that we discovered our planned desitnations were actually in the same place.  High five. 

As an aside, we had a Tom Tom with us and that thing rocks.  With all the lanes and exits and spaghetti junctons in SoCal, that soothing female voice smoothly guided us everywhere with a minimal effort.  Except when the driver failed to listen to her.  Or couldn’t get over into the right lane.  Mostly failed to listen.  Then she gets mad, “as soon as possible, please turn around”  “please turn around” “turn around” “TURN AROUND!”.

Back to Craigy Ferg.  Our tickets were for a 230 taping, but by the time our crowd got wrist-banded, searched by security, all our cell phones confiscated, warmed up and prepped for the rigorous duty of audiencing, it was nearly 430 and we hadn’t seen anything yet.  They instructed us to laugh at all guests equally, not boo if something is offensive, and tone it down if you have one of those “special” laughs (you know who you are).  The warm up guy was really funny, and soon we were in studio, watching the show go down live in font of us.  John Hamm from Mad Men (surprisingly funny and charming), a surprise Betty White (who actually looks her age in person, but who’s still the coolest thing out there), and the creator of “Bored to Death” on HBO (or some network) who was hysterically funny and talked in a onotone about how he didn’t think he had a real penis since his was so small.  No kidding.  It was a riot.  The whole show was ridiculously funny.  Hell, even the guy with the jaunty sweater tied over his shoulders who was pulled onstage and mocked as the “gay guy” despite the fact he was there with his wife and kids was funny.  Good times, good times.  And if you ever wonder if they do edits and takes on a nighttime talk show, the answer is no.  It all plays out rapidly and remarkably smoothly right before your eyes like it would watching at home, minus the commercials.  Loved it!

Back to Disneyland for our last full day in California.  A friend who lives in LA and has a season’s pass came and joined us and it was a lot of fun. I love Disneyland and I love the heat, but mid afternoon we were all feeling it.  The fact that we’d all chosen to wear black didn’t help us out any, either   Now we were able to go back and ride all our favorites, as we’d already hit pretty much everything once we wanted to, as well as do all the last-ditch shopping we had been meaning to do all week.  After dinner at Target (there was no time to stop and eat, there was shopping to do, people!  I literally had chocolate covered cherries straight off the shelf as we perused, then had to run the empty box through the register) we caught an opening night showing of the  new Wall Street movie (air conditioned!) and concluded another fantastic day by watching the Disneyland fireworks from the comfort of our parkview hotel room’s picture window.

Last day.  I can never believe when a trip is over.  And I can never figure out where to keep all our crap.  It never feels like I’m buying all that much as I shop, but when the time comes to re-pack, there’s never any space.  Luckily my friend hadn’t brought a carry-on with him on the way down, so he was able to fly home with all our overflow stuffed animals (when in Disneyland I dare you not to come home without at least two stuffies.  Let me tell you, it ain’t gonna work) in a giant Disney bag.  I’m sure that helped his street cred   We were checked out bright and early, and our last stop was the Crystal Cathedral.  I never thought I’d actually intentionally come to the Crystal Cathedral (I used the bathroom there once years ago, but that doesn’t count), but we needed to pick up some souvenirs for the people back home.  They have a surprisingly large gift shop, and they gave me a free Crystal Cathedral pen with my purchase of an angel decending from heaven (or ascending to heaven, depending on how you hold it) floaty pen.  Bless them.

Saying goodbye to Sally at the Avis lot was a sad, sad moment.  It’s like all my coolness went with that convertible.  But I promised her I’d be back someday! 

Our flight home was surprisingly mellow and easy, thanks to Plants Versus Zombies on iPhone, and before we knew it we were home.  It really was a great trip, some very much needed r&r, a little sun, a lot of fun, and a lot of laughter.  What more can you ask for?  I wish we all could be California Girls (and guys, gotta keep this PC)!!!

Tags: CBS, convertible, Craig Ferguson, Disneyland, fun, LAX, Los Angeles, shopping, sunshine, TV, Universal Studios

California girl for a week! Part 1: the beginning

There is nothing like touching down at LAX, seeing the trademark arched restaurant, the palm trees, the smog and the shuttle buses to Disneyland.  I’ve done this like fifteen times before, but it never fails to make me happy, and last week, that is exactly what I needed.  A little California love.

It was a torrential downpour when we left Vancouver, which only made 25 degrees and sunny all the more fantastic upon touchdown.  The Avis lady successfully upsold us to a silver Mustang convertible (oh my God, that was a hard decision!  The whole conversation went something like this: “Want to drive a convertible?  The upgrade is chea-”  *Interrupted* “We’ll take it”) and soon we were cruising down I-5, top down, Beach Boys blaring at an obnoxious, of-course-we’re-tourists-and-loving-it level.  There’s something about a convertible ‘Stang (we named her Sally, natch) that just makes you feel free, and I found myself looking at the other convertibles we passed as if we were bonded, we had admission into the special club of convertible people.  These strangers were our new peeps.

Soon we checked into our nicely renovated room at the Red Lion Anaheim, applied the sunscreen we should have put on our pasty Canadian skin before renting a convertible (oops), and headed to the Block at Orange for a little first day of vacation retail therapy, dinner and a movie.  I just have to go on record thanking AMC cinemas for having arm rests in their theatres that lift up, so if there’s no one next to you you can pop up all the arm rests and actually get comfortable.  Such a small touch, but it rocks. So much so that I enjoyed that more than the movie

The next day it was onto Disneyland.  If you’ve read my blog before (and if you haven’t shame on you! Lol) you know I’m kinda sorta really obsessed with Disneyland worldwide.  It’s my crack, the addiction I just can’t shake, and if I’m ever within 200 miles of one, you know I’m there.  I’ve been to this park something like 20 times, but the second I enter that central plaza and can hear the Disney classics being piped in over the sound system, a stupid grin affixes itself onto my face and I’m Disnified all over again.  My friend had never been here before, so I kept lapsing into tour guide mode, spouting useless facts and planning a route for optimal rideage, before snapping out of it and just letting him enjoy the experience.  I had never been here for the Holiday versions of the Haunted Mansion and Space Mountain before and I was really surprised at how large a change they are.  I had always assumed they just left the ride the same and threw in some Nightmare Before Christmas/ghostly decor and called it re-themed, but it’s actually a totally new ride experience.  The Haunted Mansion specifically.  The new decor was all-encompassing, the storyline was totally different, the colours were brighter and the overall effect was actually much less creepy than the usual ride.  It was really noticeable near the beginning, when you’re in the stretching room, and normally lightning flashes and you see the hanging corpse above you.  But the holiday version had the same lightning, only accompanied by the not creepy at all smiling face of Jack Skellington.  The Space Mountain:Ghost Galaxy retheme was a little more on the spooky side, with giant projections of space ghosts where the planets normally are, and because the planets are not illuminated, the entire ride experience is darker.  This makes it feel much faster, though the ride itself has not changed at all.

The following day was all Disney, too.  Giddy fun in the warm California sun.  It was hot this day, and mid afternoon we hit up the shops to buy all the breakables (4 mugs between the 2 of us, but they were so cute, we couldn’t resist) and stuff we hadn’t wanted to carry on the rides (a stuffed Yoda will now provide me guidance from the top of my bookshelf) before going back to the hotel.  While my friend slept off the heat, I took my hyper self shopping at the nearby Anaheim Gardenwalk mall.  I know it was 230pm on a Monday, but this area is full of people on vacation, so there was no reason for the mall to be a ghost town.  There were like ten shoppers in the whole place, and most of the people in the halls were employees walking off their boredom.  I couldn’t believe it.  Granted, there really aren’t any flagship stores, unless you like the over-perfumed yuppie clothes of Hollister, and it was too early for the good selection of restaurants to be busy, but still.  It was almost uncomfortable being there.  So I went to Sephora in downtown Disney.  I always got to Sephora in Downtown Disney.  At this point they should just see me coming and greet me at the door with a little basket and my favorite flavour of iced tea.  A girl can dream… But I spent my money like a good shopper, then went back to the hotel, picked up my friend and we headed back to Disney to hit the California Adventure Park.

I always describe this park to clients as a good way to spend an afternoon if the lines at Disneyland get too long.  There just simply isn’t too much there, and consequently the lines are usually short.  Now it’s also massively under construction, as Disney has realized this and they’re in the process of building a big-ticket Little Mermaid Ride, a park, and a whole new Cars Land, complete with giant prefab mountains that were just beginning to take shape.  When this park matures, it’ll be great, but for now all you have to do is make sure you ride Soaring over California and spend some time lost in Disney wonderment at the Animation Studio and you can leave fulfilled.  They have just launched a new World of Colour show that’s supposed to be spectacular, combining projections, lasers and thousands of dancing fountains, but the fastpasses were sold out by the time we got there, and neither of us were willing to start lining up three hours early in order to get a good seat.  That’s precious Disney time wasted.  So maybe next time…  I’ve never seen the Fantasmic show in Disneyland, either, for the exact same reason.

Day three brought a last-minute road trip down to San Diego.  The plan was to enjoy the two hour dive each way with the top down, wind in our hair, but the weather had other plans.  Overcast with a high of 19 degrees meant that it was top up, hoodie on, but the ride was till enjoyable.  We spent the day at the world-famous San Diego Zoo, and I can’t recommend this place enough.  It’s got more species in one place than pretty much any zoo on the planet, it’s nicely landscaped, so you feel like you’re exploring the pathways instead of just walking down pre-fab roads, and it has great gift shops.  What’s not to love?  We saw everything and took the majority of our vacation pics that day…

Tags: Anaheim, California, convertible, Disneyland, fun, Los Angeles, San Diego, shopping, sunshine, zoo

In my next life I want to be a Japanese tourist!

No kidding.  Japanese tourists really have it down.  I’m jealous.

Think about it:  they’re everywhere.  You could be in the middle of arctic Canada watching the Northern Lights or wandering the Beriloche region of Argentina, and, inevitably you will encounter a Japanese tour group.  Usually led by a man in a suit carrying a little flag or an umbrella with cat ears on it, something so that he doesn’t get lost in the crowd.  I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, that the Japanese are culturally obligated to explore this world, or if it’s down to sheer population (there’s only so much room in Japan, so 30% of them must be on vacation at any given time? Yes, I’m kidding.  Sort of), but they just seem to appear in more places all the time than any other culture.

It could also be that they’re easier to notice, too, as they tend to travel in large groups.  This is a great idea.  There’s nothing more fun then hanging out with a whole bunch of your friends in a cool corner of the planet, the memories you’ll share can last a lifetime.  The only downside to large groups is that the logistics of arranging them are a royal pain, as, in my experience, as soon as you find a date that works for 80% of the group the other 20% will not be able to go/find it too hot at that time of the year/be called for jury duty, and then the group that was alright with the date in the first place won’t want to go without them, so you scrap the plans and start again.  After three or four attempts at this, most groups just say screw it, divide into smaller two to six people groups and each get the vacation they want.  The Japanese just seem to manage the group dynamic so much better.  If there’s a secret, please share it with me, because I’m dying to know.

There’s another reason why I tend to notice Japanese tour groups, too: their fashion sense.  It’s insane.  In the best possible way.  They just don’t play by the same fashion rules that us boring westerners do, and it rocks.  I was walking downtown Vancouver the other day and was passed by a tour group entirely made up of Japanese students in their late teens/early twenties, and I had to stop and marvel.  It was hot and sunny, and there was a girl in a floor length lace dress (housecoat?) with cowboy boots and a giant flowered hat, while her friend was in rainbow striped leggings and a floral blouse, and the guy behind them was wearing gangster baggy jeans, high-tops and a frilly tuxedo shirt. If I tried to wear any of that crap someone would ask me if I got dressed by grabbing random things from the bargain bin at Value Village and then probably ask me if I needed a lift to the halfway house, but on these uninhibited kids the looks worked. I’m gobsmacked.  And totally envious.  Because they looked so purely, truly happy.

And then there’s the photo thing.  At any given moment there will be 400 Japanese tour groups around the world posing for photos.  Every ten minutes they must stop and take a giggling, squealing “look where we are now!” photo. While flashing the “peace sign”.  Anything can be the subject of the photo, as pretty much everything this world has to offer is cool enough to be commemorated in your digital camera.  I work in a mall that, for all intents and purposes, looks exactly like every other mall on earth, and six months ago we had a tour group walk through the mall and they posed for group photos in front of our boring travel agency office window, the mall directory, the water fountain… and they had the same enthusiasm for that as they would if they were in front of Buckingham Palace or the Arc de Triumph.    Photo finishing companies in Tokyo must be rolling in the cash!  Now that’s how to make a buck, let me tell you.

I’m inspired.  I want to travel the world while having a joyous, “I don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude and taking ten million photos.  So if you’ll excuse me, I need to charge my digital camera, round up some friends, don my duck hat and see the world.

Peace sign.

Tags: camera, fashion, funky, groups, Japanese, tourist, tours

The Amazing Race – Travel Lovers’ Porn

        Yep, I said porn.  Because that’s essentially what the Amazing Race is – Travel Porn.  It’s exciting.   It temporarily allows you to live vicariously through someone else, doing things so out there you might not have even fantasized about them.  It teaches you new tricks to try in real life.  And it satisfies that travel craving, while leaving you wanting more.  The best part is that, instead of having to go back into the special part of the video store, you can get it for free Sunday nights on CBS.

          For you uninitiated (shame on you), the premise is simple: race around the world with no advance knowledge of where you’re going next and very limited funds, completing various tasks as fast as possible, and if you finish first you get a cool million dollars.  If you finish last at certain checkpoints (called pit stops) you’re eliminated.  That’s it.  This is proof positive that the journey is the attraction more than the final destination, as the ending is usually one of the most  anticlimactic parts of the whole race.   But on the way you got to see just how cool the world is.

            I’m insanely jealous of the challenges they’ve gotten to do over the years.  I won’t lie, I would totally blow off my job/friends/whatever to be able to do what the racers get to do.  After seeing it on the race, I tried ziplining and, as you’ve probably noticed from my past posts, I’m hooked.  Now I just want to push my boundaries farther.  Over the years they have rappelled down Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janiero, climbed the Eiffel Tower in Paris, navigated the chaotic train system in Mumbai, herded llamas in Peru, made noodles in  Macau  and shopped at street markets in South Africa.   According to the previews, next week they’re climbing the Singapore Flyer giant ferris wheel in Singapore.  It’s nuts.  The general public may  not  have access to all of the incredible things that the racers get to  do, but for the most part the places are acessable, and with a little bit of research  you too can  enact  your own Amazing Race.  They show some off the beaten path  locations/attractions that you might have missed otherwise  and  I  have to admit that occasionally at work when someone will ask  me what there  is to see in Coober Pedy, Australia (amongst other random destinations that I  don’t know anything about and have definately  never been to) I draw on what I’ve  seen on TAR and  answer that there are opal mines and houses built underground to escape the heat.   It’s helped me finalize more than one sale, let me tell you. 

             Despite the fact that it’s essentially a game show on a global stage, The Amazing Race is at it’s heart a travelogue, and, just like Globe Trekker or Rick Steve’s Europe, it gives you a glimpse at the conditions, attractions, and people of places all over the world.  India is always a good example, as so many of the racers go there expecting nothing but  poverty and crowds, but leave surprised at the resilliance of the people and the beauty of the countryside. Through their eyes we see it, too, and gain a greater appreciation.  I had never heard of Wat Po, the temple of the Reclining Buddha in Bangkok until I saw it on Season 1, but it blew my mind and that one episode gave birth to a fascination with Thailand that I still have to this day.    You can bet your ass I made sure to go to that temple and take craploads of pictures when I finally made it  to Bangkok.   

            The  racers might be doing everything at warp speed, they’re still traveling and facing the same trials and tribulations that we all do on our vacations.  They have to fight with the same flight cancellations and lost cabbies we all do, and watching them deal with these we can learn  – both from their mistakes and  their successes.  Case in point: never be rude to an airport ticket agent. They have  your vacation in their hands, and with one  little keystroke they can  sentence you to a fifteen hour flight in the middle seat in the back that doesn’t  recline and is right beside the squirming kid.  In season 2 when everyone was jockeying for flights from Iguassu Falls, Brazil to Cape Town, South Africa, team after  irate team was told there was no space on the  earliest and most convenient  one-connection flight via Frankfurt.  That is, until Danny and Oswald, the fabulous, suave and super polite guys from Miami asked.  Suddenly seats miraculously appeared and they cruised to a happy first place, all because they were the lone rational team.

     Finding a local guide is another great tip that teams commonly use.  Granted, on the race teams, particularly Mirna and Charla, will do everything short of kidnapping locals to get their insider information.  Please don’t do this.  Ask nicely.  Leave a tip.  But this is still an awesome idea.   Locals know more about the destination than anyone, and they’re usually just as excited to learn about your hometown as you are to learn the ins and outs of theirs.  This can get you from point A to point B much faster and tip you off to new, out of the way places that you would not have otherwise ever known about. 

      During all of this, the teams are navigating all these stressful challenges with their friend/partner/relative.  I always say the test of any relationship is a vacation, because your communication skills tend to shut down when you’re stressed and fatigued.  The “villans” in each season are not usually the teams that are horrible to other teams, but the teams that are horrible to one another.  The classic example is Jonathan and Victoria in season 5, where he not only screamed at her the whole way, but actually physically shoved her in anger.   Just watching the way these teams melt down serves as a reminder  not to act  like that to your friend/family member/anyone, no matter how jetlagged you might be. 

         And my personal favorite tip the I’ve learned from TAR: “Rapido” does not mean fast in every language.  It’s not that teams haven’t tried, but when you’re in Windhoek, Namibia, the cabbies are just going to give you a “stupid tourist” laugh and continue moving along at whatever speed they want to.  That being said, it’s always a good idea to learn a few words in the local language.  I’m not suggesting taking the Berlitz course or anything, God knows the teams usually can only learn what they get from the other passengers on their inbound flight and they get around pretty well, but a simple ”yes”, “no”, “thank you”, “how much?” and “where’s the bathroom?” can get you a long way.  Particularly the bathroom one.

          I could go on, but really, you just have to watch it yourself.  Even if you don’t glean anything more from the show than some pretty destinations and a whole lot of fun, it’s worth it.

Tags: 108 coin ritual, Bangkok, fun, interesting, Jet lag, The Amazing Race, Tips, travel, travel porn, Wat Po

The Ins and Outs of the Honeymoon Registry

                I’ve got weddings on the brain again.  First, let me qualify this.  I am currently sitting on my couch watching W (the Women Watching Will be Whimpering and Weeping network) as Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz find vacation love in the Holiday, and tomorrow I’m going to buy my first-ever Bridesmaid dress.  Plus, I have a destination wedding group and a handful of honeymoon price enquiries on my desk at work.  Put it all together and you can see where my head is at.   Anyway, it’s got me thinking about the intricacies of registering for your honeymoon, or, as I like to call it the “either be ready to kick your family’s butts into gear or give up on the whole idea” registry. 

             I don’t want to sound cynical, because I’m not.  It’s just not easy watching the crestfallen Bride and Groom’s faces when they come to book their dream honeymoon with the money contributed by their family and friends only to find that instead of Bali they can only afford to go camping for a week.   This has happened with all but one of the honeymoon registries I’ve ever seen, and the reason behind it is simple: to get the best price on a vacation you have to book early, but the vast majority of wedding guests don’t even think about a gift until the night before the wedding.   People are lazy.  And cheap.  Another drawback of the wedding registry is that it gives your guests the added pressure of giving a gift with the price tag still attached – they can’t give too little or they seem cheap, but with the economy being what it is, no one has that much extra lying around anymore, so unless you’re that special they’re not going to break the bank to pay for your vacation.  Consequently, most wedding registries get one, maybe two hundred dollars in them by the time the happy couple has to book their trip.  All the rest of the contributors will try calling the night before/morning of the wedding only to have me tell them to just give the Bride and Groom the cash at the wedding, because there’s no honeymoon left that needs paying for. 

         For all you Brides and Grooms out there, this paragraph is for you.  The honeymoon registry can be an awesome thing, but you have to be prepared to ride your guests like quarterhorses to get them to pay.  The biggest tip I’ve got is to plan ahead.  If you’re throwing your wedding together last minute, do not even bother to register for your honeymoon, because you have to book your honeymoon immediately.  But if, like most engaged couples, you have a year of planning and save-the-dates and details, then you’re golden.  Send out notices and the travel agency’s card with your invitations, and don’t forget to include a contribution deadline.  Two months prior to the wedding is a good time frame – not too last minute, but still a reasonable amount of time for you to book a trip at a decent price.   The week before this deadline, start sending out reminders.  Your agent will help you with this, but just send out a quick email blast, post a notification on your Facebook, and make sure your guests remember that if they miss this date, they should start shopping for an actual physical gift instead.   To go along with this, the Bride and Groom have to keep their expectations realistic.  When caught up in the throwes of wedding fever, it can be so easy to imagine spending your most important vacation ever on an idyllic south pacific island in an overwater bungalow (and it’s always an overwater bungalow in these fantasies) , ignoring the CAD$1000.00 per night price tag because you assume your family will pay for it.  Please, please have a backup, cheaper but still fantastic, plan, just in case you actually have to foot the bill yourself.  You don’t need the last minute panic of re-planning your honeymoon combined with the last minute scrambling for the cash and all the other last minute details you have to sort through. 

        Registering for your honeymoon is a great thing, but it’s not as easy as pointing the little bepper gun at the latest set of butter knives at the Bay.  It takes a bit of coordingation on the part of the the couple, the guests and the agent, as well as a realistic outlook.  If you’ve got all this, your honeymoon is going to be awesome. 

Tags: bride, groom, honeymoon, planning, registry, wedding

You drive like crazy

        It seems like the most convenient thing to do.  Why bother having to sort through bus and train schedules on your trip when you could just rent a car and go where you want when you want?  Hold up there a minute, Skippy, make sure you know what this entails or you could be dealing with more hassle than you’d ever anticipated.  If you’re from Canada and heading down to California for Disneyland, for example, then I wholeheartedly encourage a car rental.  You’re familliar with the makes and models of the cars on offer, you know the basic road rules, as they’re the same up here, and you can read the street signs.  These three criteria are not going to be met everywhere, though, so I recommend doing a little online research before you even consider getting behind the wheel. 

    First off, the majority of rental cars internationally are standard transmission.  You need to specify an automatic at time of booking, and be prepared, they’re usually a higher price due to their uniqueness.   So if you can’t drive stick and don’t want to wind up like those Amazing Race contestants repeatedly stalling out in the middle of traffic and enduring the wrath of the locals, you have two options: either practice a bit before going (driving your cousin’s borrowed standard around parking lots for a few hours is so much cooler than learning all the bad hand gestures the hard way on your trip) or cough up the extra cash and get one you can drive.

               Similar to this is the “check which side of the road your chosen country drives on” rule.  I’ve had clients who were perfectly capable of driving standard, but kept missing gears in New Zealand as they were shifting with their left hands while remembering to drive on the right side of the road.  This is also why renting a car in London to drop off in Paris is not possible, as your steering wheel is not going to magically switch sides mid-ferry crossing, and there are a lot of people out there that think the side the wheel is on dictates the side they should drive on.  A client asked me that once, if they could follow the French or the English road rules while in France with an English car.   I am not making this up.  Luckily, I didn’t have a car rental company that would allow him to do this itinerary, so I was spared from having to explain to him that the French don’t like cleaning up after hundreds of tourists killed in head-on collisions near the port of Calais.

      Similarly, if you can’t read the street signs, or understand the basic laws of the road, don’t drive.  When in destination you’re subject to local laws, and ignorance is not a legal defense.  Legal matters aside, by driving yourself you also have to navigate yourself to your destination, so learning the local words/signs for things like “stop”, “road closed” and “if you drive down this road you will be shot”  are a good idea.  I’ll get you started.  “Ausfhart” is German for “Exit”.  There, I’ve just saved you hours of driving down the Autobahn, giggling to yourself and wondering why all roads lead back to the town of Ausfhart while the city you’re looking for never appears.

       Then there’s the little matter of practicality.  Some places it’s actually more inconvenient to have a car than take public transport, particularly if you’re spending a prolonged time in a major city centre.  London is a great example of this, where just driving into the city centre will cost you GBP$7 per day as a congestion charge.  Then there’s the horrendous lack of parking, high traffic congestion combined with the crazy streets that can change names every block or just stop for no reason (not kidding about this, taxi drivers have to study maps and test-drive the city for years before they get their license – passing a test ominously called “the Knowledge”), and when you add it all up it’s enough to have you thrown up your hands in exasperation and abandon your Hertz in the middle of Trafalgar Square in favor of the Underground.  At least on the train you know you’ll eventually wind up at your destination.

      All this being said, a car rental can be a great way to get from one place to another, moving at whatever pace you choose to, as long as it’s under legal limits.  It gives you the freedom to buy that ten-gallon jug of drinking water on sale at Target because you know you don’t have to carry it all the way back to your hotel carefully balanced on your head.  You can reach so many off the beaten path places that major transportation links might not get to.  So rent away – I have some great rates! – but make sure it’s the perfect decision to make your dream trip all you want it to be

Tags: Amazing race, Ausfhart, car rentals, England, France, German, international, London, Tips

The ultimate relationship test – traveling with someone

         “We’ve been best friends since ninth grade, we’ll have the best time in Europe!” 

         “I love him!  Three weeks on the beach will give us time to connect more!”

          “You’re going to Asia?  Me too!  Let’s go together and save on the hotel costs.”

            It seems like such a good idea at the time.  You get along with/are dating/are married to/share similar interests with someone and you decide “gee, Steve, wouldn’t it be awesome if we went on vacation together?”  Picking your travel companion is usually done even before the destination is chosen, but before you begin to suggest a trip, stop and think about it.  No, I mean, really think about it.  There’s no greater test to a relationship than travelling together.

             Let your mind wander back to your childhood.  When Mom and Dad packed you, your brother and your ten thousand suitcases of crap into the van and took off for a weekend up at the lake.  By the time you reached mile eight someone had thrown something, someone had been insulted and someone was crying.   Just because you’re grown up and not necessarily with children doesn’t make a vacation any easier, as it still involves the same components:  long hours trapped together and unable to escape, tedium where you have to struggle to keep yourself occupied or come up with something to say, stressful connections or deadlines, and exhaustion.  Everybody reacts to these factors differently, and if, when she’s over tired and jet lagged, your best friend gets really weepy and needy or she gets so bitchy she’s taking shots at your family/career/significant other/fashion sense/pet, she may not be the ideal person to be with.  Unless, of course you are prepared to handle this. 

             And don’t forget, you’re going to be just as unpleasant.   We all have our triggers.  God knows, I fly all the time, but if anyone I’m traveling with wants to wait and check-in for the flight less than the recommended three hours prior, I’ll take them out.  We can relax once we’re through security, but until I know I’ve  made my flight and am not going to have to run/beg/risk having my seat given away to a standby passenger, I’m in go mode.  I don’t fucking care if you’re going to have to go sixteen hours until your next cigarette, that’s not my problem, so let’s get a move on it.  Apologies to anyone I’ve told off in this situation over the years, but I still get this way every time I step into an airport, ticket in hand, and I don’t foresee this going away any time soon.  Consider yourselves warned.

         My point is that when it comes to traveling with someone, you have to, as my boyfriend always says when he does something that mildly irritates me  (like leave his damp – they’re always damp – socks beside the hamper instead of two inches to the right in the hamper) take the “good with the bad”.  If you can work through your differences in extreme conditions, then you’re going to have a fantastic time together.  But if you have a mental picture of this person being perfect and they fail to live up to your expectations, you’re going to have issues.

          Travel can test even the strongest relationship, bringing you closer than ever or tearing you apart.  The way I see it, if neither passenger comes home in a body bag or handcuffs, it was a success.  If times get occasionally testy just remember, you’re normal.  That’s just part of the experience and (unless you’re the one in the body bag) you’ll laugh about it later.

Tags: boyfriend, family, friends, girlfriend, scary, tough, travel, weird